Taking the Tests

When I was younger, I thought I was apart from the world I know - that I am not this or that kind of person, or that I am only this and that kind of person. But life is also like a test, you wouldn't really know if you passed or failed if you haven't taken the test yet. So for example you've never been in the kind of shit another person is in, think twice before you say something bad about it (",) You just might be doing no better than he/she is if that were you. Because things are easier said than done. And also, having said that life is a test, you know what the good thing is? that what really matters is not if you failed or if you passed but what you learned from it.

I'm not trying to lecture anybody - sorry if I sound like it. I am definitely no master in life's many tests either. I just wanted to share this thought so maybe we'd remember to always think twice before we judge not only people but the many complicated situations of life.
Because we have to admit it, each of us is a cast in the story called life, but each of us are also an audience to somebody else's life whether it be coincidental, momentarily or even accidental - it is inevitable that we'd have something to say about someone else and more often, a flaw is more easily acknowledged than beauty.

Giving Chances

This year God showed me that first impressions are nothing but hardened dust. Until you learn to wipe them away in order to see closer, you get stuck with seeing just dirt. I am not a saint. I don't end up liking everyone I meet instantly, I think that is normal anyway. What I'm saying is I learned that just because you started out not liking someone doesn't mean it's a dead end. Whenever is the right time, you have to at least make a sincere effort to give people chances even when you don't feel like they deserve it. Maybe its not about who you're giving a chance to, but what you are giving a chance to. Give friendship a chance.

You Know Me ...Not

Its amazing how some people would assume they know you based on what they imagine you to be...dont feel bad because of what they think of you ♥ ♥ everyone gets misunderstood ♥ ♥ bec we are all somebody else's imagination♥ ♥ unless they become lucky enough to really get to know us. (",) so don't hate. let it be. Some people were never meant to get close enough to know us. ♥ ♥ Cherry December!!! ♥ ♥Its about time we do something more than tell ourselves "I am misunderstood"

LoVE MaTTERS

We start out believing nothing on heaven or on earth could put it out. Love.

When I was younger, Love was an attraction, a feeling- a passion which cannot be tamed. As I grew up love became a matter of happiness and heartaches.
In the end, Love was a matter of choice and everyday decision..But now i realize it is so much more than that. Sure we can convince ourselves that the time we stayed together is proof of super duper commitment and undying love whatsoever and all couples should feel content already to know they are together. B.S.

B.S. ~~~NEVER BE CONTENTED.

I don't expect the world to agree.
But what I'm saying is sometimes people get too contented and confident,that they don't notice if they have stopped loving each other. And the next thing you know, someone is being taken for granted, neglected and even unconsciously avoided. And the sad part is they waste not only time itself but the time they count together. I mean what is seven, eight, nine, ten years when you stopped loving each other by year 4. What are numbers... but only numbers in the end.

When you stop at any point, its like you create a bubble, which can eventually stop your heart from beating.

At this point, one of you will want to let go. And then comes 'chances' to make it up. Love is chances as well. Its the many chances we are given to keep what might no longer be there but could still be there or to save what could be left of something which used to overflow but is now just a drying-up-stain on the ground.

If you just want to stay together forever. Yeah-sure be contented- you could just go to prison together with a life sentence to make it fun. But If you want to love forever- never be contented, - always keep the fire burning.

Cheers to those who have stayed crazy in love through decades.
Warning to those who are struggling to make it a decade.
A sign to those who know what I'm talking about.
A note to those who plan on staying together one more day.

YAMAN SA SOBRE

I was on a jeepney ride home for lunch. I was still somewhere along Q.C when this man placed an enveloped on my lap. I didn’t look at him; I said God is consistent today. :) I took a twenty peso-bill and gave it to him (and that’s when I looked at him) and asked nicely If I could keep the envelope. He didn’t seem to mind. I wanted to take a photo of it and post it on my blog. And so here it is:

I wondered how old he was, and if he was doing this part-time, full-time, just now or ever since. I thought he could get a job instead of being a beggar like this. I shouldn’t have given him money but then I thought how many businesses hire beggars from the street? Businesses want background, want requirements, and want employees with a permanent address at least. How many job opening welcomes homeless people and beggars? I should give this guy a break. Life is tough enough for people like him. I know every one on the jeep was thinking he was some lazy bum that’s why they didn’t give him any money; I know I did think that too, I just thought he needed a break except a while later I learned that maybe yes, next time I should hold back.

Not a few minutes after, another envelope fell on my lap, handed by a boy no more than 5 years old. I opened my wallet and thought maybe I should just give him coins, but felt that I shouldn’t give him less just because he was younger.So I did the same thing; I gave him the money and asked if I could keep the envelope. He didn’t answer, he just looked at me and then I smiled and folded it into my bag. MY MISTAKE. Now his mother was sitting by the entrance of the jeepney ride watching what happened. I made the words out carefully since I was all the way inside the jeepney and she was sitting by the entrance, tapping cans she turned into musical drums. As I was about to alight,She demanded “AKIN NA ANG SOBRE!!!” Stunned I smiled and said “ bawal hingiin?”to which she again demanded “AKIN NA ANG SOBRE!!!” (Baka mangkumpitensya pa kasi ata ako?)

Hahaha. Now at least I got to experience a different kind of reaction right? (“,) ~masyado na ata kasi akong komportable~

The Wrong Move and The Right Pocket.

God. He heard me alright.(",) Today he sent one kid and one very old desperate guy holding a zerox copy of what looked like an outdated doctor's prescription note begging for whatever amount.

I was still feeling down. I just got off from taking a 30-minute quiz at school and as we were passing by a fast food drive-thru and we were shouting our orders at the radio box. A boy started playing with the box, whispering whatever to the box and confusing our orders. He caught my attention alright. I watched him playing with the box, wondering if this kid was just simply doing that to annoy or harass us or maybe he was simply playing. And maybe hearing a voice coming out of the box fascinated him. Who knows. I decided it could be a something in between both. I pulled a ten-peso coin and had Ryan gave it to him. I realized right after if maybe that wasn't such a good idea in that case, but it has been done. I wondered what he would do with the coin as he stared at it for a while. He didn't look like he would use it to buy cigarettes though or some rugby. I wished in my mind, he'd give it to his mom or just spend it on candy. I made a mistake. He didn't leave as well, he continued playing with the radio box.

I realized I could have given him an idea to beg. Maybe that could give him the wrong idea about playing with drive-thru radio boxes. I don't know. Anyways, I realized something else. Helping is not just about handing out something from my pocket.Maybe at that time I should have just said" Kid dont play with that, cars go by here and you could get hit or maybe get hurt " but I didn't, instead I gave him a ten-peso coin. I am a witch. I suck. I learned a lesson today. And maybe God told me something. Except for the witch and suck part, I am totally saying that to myself.

Then when we got home and got the car parked, Ryan opened his car door and immediately this old man holding this prescription drug photocopy asked us for some change. I didn't see his face as i was on the passenger's seat. I just saw his wrinkly hands, shabby clothes and the paper he was holding. I quickly asked myself. What would I do now? I told myself I'll do what I can. I have to give this old man the benefit of the doubt, that maybe the racket he was pulling was fake but the reasons he was doing it for wasn't. He needed help and I was there. I opened my coin purse and pulled out a twenty-peso bill. I thought about digging for coins but the coins for some reason, seemed stuck in the little corner of the purse and so I realized that maybe this was what I was supposed to give him. I don't have time to ask if my heart was willing. It didn't seem to be against it anyway. So I said, Give this to him, it's fate. or Destiny. Or Chance. That i just turned into fate. (",)

I don't know maybe I could all just be making this up. I'm no righteous person. I just realized that maybe fate doesn't just refer to what you become, what career you end up having, what kind of life you end up living or who you end up loving. Fate, Destiny, Chances are every moment of our lives, every small detail in it and every person we meet and every thing we do. This old guy is in mine. For that brief moment. I hope I did good by him.

Rain, Children, Noodles and You

Yesterday was kind of shitty. I stayed home today. I'm a mess. I stayed home and watched 'Wedding Daze' and thought i should catch some lost sleep. Studies say that when you aren't getting enough needed sleep, it makes you well in some cases, any of the following or all of the following: cranky, sensitive, emotional, crazy. I don't know which one to pick but I'm crossing my fingers its not all of the following.

Anyways, aside from that I think I may have done some good even so. Hopefully.

It was raining yesterday. My group mates and I sort of braved the rain and feasted on street food (isaw, etc). My uniform was getting wet despite of the efforts of a borrowed umbrella. My skin was starting to feel cold. And then I noticed these two kids right beside the isaw-vendor. They were selling noodles. Kids selling noodles in the rain. The other day, i told myself that someday I want to help make the world a better place every day. And i started thinking, why not. Why not start that day? Yeah. Maybe I'm not Mother Theresa. Yeah. Maybe I'm not capable of donating millions, not capable of making this big tidal wave over these children's lives for example, but I knew what I can do. At least.

I walked over and asked how much is an order of noodles. This kid said 17 pesos, so I said I'll order one and paid for it. When he was about to give me my order,I said he can keep it. I just ordered, I said. I don't know, he seemed confused. (",) I thought about what he could be thinking: "did this lady stole a plastic of noodles from us earlier when we were'nt looking and now she's paying for it?" I don't know. I didn't mind. I wanted to do it, that's all.

I am not saying this here so that I could claim to the world that I have a golden heart, that I did a good deed. Let's scrap that. I am no better than anybody in this planet. A good deed is a category or a label you want to name what you did, and I would rather want to think, what I did was pure and simple 'help', we can consider that a label for doing something else for someone regardless of yourself. I am not sure I said that right but i hope you got the point. I just dont want anybody who could be reading this to focus on the wrong details.

Golden heart. I dont have that( I am not trying to be humble, believe me, we don't need golden hearts to help once in a while) . 17 pesos is not a big deal. Anyone could have done that and that is just the point. Any of us could do it, if we just take the time. I think these kids earned it. While some of us maybe quick to think that these kids are being ran by syndicates, or being pushed to work by their lazy parents, for all we know, they could just really have no choice but we won't understand that deep since we are not in their shoes. When I was a kid, I played in the rain. These children are working in the rain.

Whether or not we stop by to care, all the things around them will change their lives forever. I want to do what I can given the moment. I think Any of us can too.

Waterproof Mascara

Inhale. Exhale. I obviously don't see the point. What. When you said rebellion is when questions are being raised. I thought questions were raised for answers. Simple as that. I asked (politely as I always do, careful to deliver my thoughts in a humble tone) because I wanted to understand not because I wanted to challenge authority. It is frustrating that it is always anticipated with false assumptions. (False assumptions, when you yourself have taught us to not rely on false assumptions because it will only mislead you.) Assumptions that we are deliberately doing so just to test power boundaries. Last time i checked, I was not an activist. Maybe there are people who does that but that is not the case with us. And it made me cry to be so helplessly misunderstood, not because i did not have opportunity to clear the issue but because we were not given the right to. You told me that me crying will make me a better person. That when you are being grilled in your own office we do not see you cry GAAAADDDHHH. That is too stereotyped. This is not even about you grilling our asses. I can take the heat but what i cannot take is bullshit. Crying doesnt mean you are letting down or that you are a sunken ship in the middle of nowhere. I am a person capable of crying, with lacrimal ducts capable of producing tears, who cries when the low blow is too much.

You have always reacted as if a dictator always too defensive of his power. Always demanding for more respect when it is already there. You want to hit us with your iron fist and manipulate us to believe that your smile is saying HI WHAT IS YOUR CONCERN I AM STILL YOUR FRIEND. It is too conflicting.

You want us to understand that you are in a tough position. You give orders and people need to follow them but most them doesn't want to. But why do you drag the people who do follow the orders in your anger among those who do not then? Do you not lose the votes of those who follow you because you do not know how to appreciate? Because you find it hard to attack those who deliberately disobey you, you simply generalized everyone because you believe it to be fair and safer for you?

I watch you tell us that you pity us but you don't (which is confusing to say so by the way). We are watching as well and we pity you back. Just as you teach us, if you want something and you are asking for it from somebody or in this case everybody, you do not ask for it in a way that people will only end up hating you.

Right and Just falls under command system which according to you is whatever the higher command says so.

As for explanations,yes we agree that it is unnecessary at times. We did not ask why because the answer could have been buried in the past. You have complicated such a simple thing and turned it into something complex and bounced it back to us as a riddle which if we answer will make us impolite. You made our question seem like ' why is the sea blue?' when we were only asking 'what time is it?" when the answer is nothing but in the present why do you have to dig too deep just so you can block us off. By doing that, are you really sure you are teaching us in the best way you can with no whatsoever prejudices?

We are both helpless.

I will always show you respect because i respect your title, but i am beginning to doubt if it will ever be because i respect you for who you are.

Dirty Ice Cream

P.S. I think I look stupid in this photo but Mr. Ice Cream Vendor is keeping it cool (",)

When i was eight. I used to spend all the coins i can dig from my pockets to buy dirty ice cream from around the corner near my school then. I remember always negotiating with the ice cream vendor to make my ice cream cone higher by adding more scoops. I was such a patron of his rolling tin cart of ice cream that eventually he told me a little secret. He told me that whenever someone would request for additional ice cream scoops, he would squeeze on his ice cream scooper and because it all happens too fast, the customer thinks a scoop is being added but actually he is scooping off the ice cream cone, therefore you end up with less scoops of ice cream than before you requested for additional scoops. Before we know it, we've been punked (",)

Last Sunday, I enjoyed a cone of dirty ice cream. I tell you i never fail to not remember what that vendor from back when i was still eight told me. (**,)

Prehistoric Incubator

This is an incubator. It is almost like an ordinary baby basket. I wouldn't know how to operate this, its not like i was here back then when cash was still mickey mouse money (read up on your history books). (",) Wow but this is great right? Imagine a premature baby relying on this piece of wooden invention. I wonder if this was made in the Philippines. This incubator is located in what seemed like a hall of fame or a museum full of memorabilias of Philippine health care in the old but definitely thriving Fe Del Mundo Hospital in Banawe, Quezon City.

Central Market

Central Market. I took these pictures weeks ago when i still had the time.

I walked around clicking my camera, almost gaping at every thing I saw. It was beautiful. I haven't seen a 'Bunot' since high school. Almost everything was shouting 'Native' "Indigenous' "Made in The Philippines'.

Life is too fast right now. I wonder if things like these will last for another century. I almost forgot they existed. It was fascinating. I grew up in the Philippines. I don't live far from here and yet i was standing there like Alice-in-wonderland, as if everything was either prehistoric or something new.

And then i realized these things are familiar yet wonderful not because I was born and raised in the Philippines but because it reflected a culture that is gradually fading into the background of the modern day. And that some how my subconscious knew. This is what we call cherish the moment. (",)

Shallow. Some may say. To appreciate such petty things..., but then again what is shallow? (",)

Do-It-Yourself-Doll

This is a doll that I made for my daughter. One afternoon, I decided I wanted to make her a doll and just went on to doing it. It took me 6 hours (non-stop. sorry I’m a slow worker (",) ), plus one of her pink-polka dotted panty, a ball of purple yarn, a beige night-sleeveless shirt, one of Czesca’s red shirt and a vintage brooch which I turned into the doll’s hat. My mom says it looks like a voodoo doll, but hey this is where we get to say it’s the thought that counts and be excused hahaha. Plus, this should make me a champ at Amateur DIY. You can see that I even cared to make the doll’s underwear, when I could have just left it without underwear. hahaha. =p. Made in the Philippines.

Advantage: I could sell these to witchdoctors.
Disadvantage: No one will buy.

Security Guard

Pats. Patino. This time I only know his surname. I have no idea what his name is. Anyway, he’s a security guard. Obviously we can see that in his uniform. He’s been around for more than 10 years already. He married a nanny in one of the floors in our building. (Not that I own it, no hehehe, I’m just saying... in the building where I’m residing.)

I guess I can say he is beloved already by most tenants in the building since he is courteous, friendly and we know he does his job. You can almost tell by the dark circles around his eyes. So we can now check that ‘safety and security’ level in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He's got it covered. (",)

Sidecar-Pedicab Driver

This is Dudot, which is probably just his nickname. He’s a local in our area who resides at the squatter’s area. He earns a living by driving a pedicab or sidecar as it popularly known here. He has a bad leg. If I can remember correctly, it’s his right leg. The right leg is abnormally shorter and thinner than the other, a defect he said he got from having Polio as a child. People would say that his right leg is like that small right fin of NEMO which was often called bad fin in the animated movie “Finding Nemo”. It didn’t stop our little NEMO from swimming just as fine as any other fish with regular set of fins and helping others. Dudot here does the same, everyday he pedals his bike as if he has a perfect pair of strong legs and while one would have assumed this bad leg would be a weakness, Dudot makes a living out of it. This just proves to us that it is not about being able; it is sometimes about becoming able. As I always say, it is not about what life makes of you, it is what you make out of life.

The interiors are often filled with stickers, the exteriors wearing the names of their children, wife or whoever owns the bike. Sidecar. The ride costs a minimum of 20 pesos-30 pesos. They can take you to Divisoria and 168 mall for 40 pesos. They take me to Morayta for 50 pesos. I know I can take the jeepney since its cheaper, but I prefer the pedicab more often because then I could have privacy. I can go directly to a certain destination without having to stop for another passenger. At least that’s how it is in our area. I believe in other areas, the pay is per person (7-10 and even 20 pesos each) and yes, other passengers can take the ride with you, given that you are both going in the same direction.

Elevator Girl

She hid her face from the camera, laughing a little. (the picture doesnt seem like it, but she's laughing, she is not whispering anything to the wall. (",) hahaha )
Tonight I decided to ask her two things first “ Anong ginagawa mo pag walang tao sa elevator? Walang sumasakay? What do you do when there’s no one inside the elevator, no one’s riding the elevator?” She said “ Nagisip isip lang. Just thinking,daydreaming’
“Naghahagdan ka ba at nakapaghagdan ka na ba dito? Do you ever use the stairs and have you ever tried going up by climbing stairs here?”
She answered “ Oo pero hanggang third floor lang Yes but only up to the third floor”

Thanks to me i just gave her something more to think about while she's in there (I must have seemed weird..=p)
I was just wondering because everyday she sits on a chair inside the elevator, greeting us as we step in for a ride up or down, pushing the floor buttons for us. She does that for about 8 hours with a one hour break everyday. By now, she knows every building tenant by the floor that they live in that you don’t have to tell her anymore what floor button to push when you get in.

Sometimes sheis forced to helplessly listen to what random nonsense we want to say or release. For example, Last week when I bought plastic plants, I told her about it as she smiled at me; how I really intended to buy real plants but that I ended up buying plastic plants, how expensive the real plants were and how much more convenient to opt for the plastic plants. I’m sure that I am not the only tenant in our building that makes sudden small talks inside the elevator with her (please don’t let me be the only one ;p hahaha). Maybe it’s because you always see her that somehow you’ve developed a sense of feeling at ease with her which makes you feel comfortable talking to her at times. I’m not sure. There are times when you actually don’t notice her at all. But she’s there, pushing the buttons for your daughter who is coming home from school, for the elders coming home from a mahjong game and for many more. She’s in every tenant’s every day and yes, I don’t even know her name. ‘She’s just the elevator girl’ we tend to say. But everybody is a big person if she is in your every day.

Hole in The Wall

There’s a game show in channel 7 where contestants have to go past an approaching wall without moving out of the way by fitting yourself through the hole that is on it. If a player fails to contour properly, then she is pushed into a water pool. I think it’s pretty much the same with life. Walls are moving in and we may act fast but if we don’t think smart, we’re going to splash in the pool of life every now and then. Sometimes we are so focused on following the shape of the hole, of exacting ourselves to the hole that we actually overlook the simple solutions to go through it. We become the ones who make things harder for ourselves. We’re looking at it but we’re just not seeing it because we already have a picture in our minds, telling us that is how it should be done. So until we unlearn some of the things we learned while we were living our lives up to this day, we will not get past that one annoying hole that only you really know about, and there will always be a hole in the wall.