The Rationale for 'Stomach-In''

August 29, 2010 “Ma’am hindi po ba buntis?” The ticket lady asked me.
I didn’t answer.
Maybe she was talking to the LetLet who was standing beside me. She is bigger anyway. “Ma’am hindi po ba buntis?” She repeated.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I must have asked “Ako Ba?” more than once.
“ Hindi po ba buntis?…bawal po buntis…may sakit sa puso…may asthma…”
She went on…but my ears kind of stopped at ‘buntis’.
Then I stared down at my loose blouse. It ballooned at the front. I had tucked it the wrong way
“No!” I tugged at my blouse.

I guess I shouldn’t take it personally. Nothing personal - so when I got home, I just did 1000 sit-ups…kidding. :) After all, there have been times when I, myself, have assumed others to be pregnant when they were actually not. And I- meant well.

Lets cite an incident: Upon seeing my chemistry professor at an event, I greeted her and noticed her bulging tummy. My eyes sparkled (<-says me).

I immediately concluded ‘She’s finally PREGNANT.’ She once told us that she and her husband have been trying for almost 20 years now. So I was excited for her.

I gasped with a full smile “Wow Ma’am (gawking at her tummy) ---- CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wow!!!”
She looked back at me and didn’t say anything; Clueless.
That’s when I realized she wasn’t pregnant. I’m guessing she got what I was saying.

So to politely save the moment, I continued with “CONGRATULATIONS……Ma’am nakarating kayo!!…wow andito na kayo!!”. (like being there was something to be congratulated about.)

I gave her a cheek-to-cheek and walked away graciously.*wink

Laki Sa Lola

“Hola” she said on facebook. My grandmother, Amah, is 73 years old and it’s been years since she was last here in the Philippines.

One of my fondest memory of her is that time when I just got home, she was smiling on her rocking chair and holding a celphone. I knew it was for me :) but to not ruin the surprise, I acted dumb.

ME: “WOW. Amah ang ganda niyan” pointing to the 6110 Nokia phone on her hand ( although 61-10's along with other early models of antenna phones have phased out already :) )

The gesture was priceless. Amah’s excitement was all over her face…WHY would anybody ever want to ruin the moment? :)

Amah: (in chinese) Indeed!! Look! it even has many HIGH-TECH features!.”

Amah: Ko-u Alarm Clock! Ko-u Calculator! (It even has an alarm clock function! and a calculator function!) :)

I gave a wow to every feature she boasted to me, even though I knew these things were only...regular features :)

I smiled: “Amah.. Eh.. Kanino ba yan?”

She grinned like a happy teenager and said “Bwe Ho Di Ah (bought it for you...)”

I took it. :) I used that phone with pride :) until it was time again to surprise me with a 3210 which came in a multi-colored hologram smiley casing, multi-colored keypads and backlight. :D

“Si Amah talaga..” :) <3

~While things lose their value over time, sentiments don’t.

Long Live, Wall-E. :)

BIG MOMMA

Big is beautiful; the weight gain kept my feet on the ground and taught me a few things. :)

I used to be BIG. Well, I was thin first and then I got bigger (and oh well pregnant). I was 107 lbs. And in nine months I ballooned to 200lbs. Okay let’s scrap the pregnancy part. I was so big, that AFTER giving birth and I came home from the hospital, one neighbor greeted me and said “ay! Naku malapit ka ng manganak” her eyes glowing. I almost cried “Nanganak na nga ako eh, nanganak na ko”

I’d stare at my body in the mirror wondering if I was still human or if I was a huge kangaroo.

There was even one time, I was in the elevator and the operator just kept staring, finally I asked her “baket?” and she blurted out one stinging rhetorical question “ANONG NANGYARI SA IYO.”

It was a time when, if the seats were all taken and you could clearly see that the whole bench is being occupied by men, you silently hope in your heart somebody would give you a seat…but it never happened when I was that big.

I learned to really understand how sad it was to see the difference between how people treated me before and after, and to see clothes I’d like to wear and not be able to fit in them, to wonder if the conductor wanted to charge me more because my ass occupied more than one seat, and to realize that the fat jokes, they’re always funny.. just maybe…not always cool; That it was hard to lose the weight I so carelessly and mindlessly put on myself.

It was a good experience because it was humbling.

Co-Gluttons, be warned.

hairy matters

I remember watching a basketball game. Aiza was cheering for her boyfriend-then. I was sitting beside her. She’d get so excited she’d flick her long hair every time she cheered. And every time she did, her hair would hit me on the face. No. It attacked me. :D

As she didn’t notice the whole time… I decided to ask “Aiza may kanin ka ba dyan?” She had her back to me and she still had some of her hair on my face when she answered ”wala ,baket?” before she turned around.

I smiled ” kasi kanina mo pa pina-pakain sa akin buhok mo eh kulang na lang kanin” :))

Then last night, while on a jeepney ride, this woman did the same thing to me, twice. First she hit me on my left cheek and then she hit me on the nose.

I laughed in my mind. Naisip ko lang… a woman indeed is made up of sweet-deadly things. A-basta. :) ~even the strands of hair.. of the girl you love can hurt you~ hephephep hindi ko naman love yung woman na iyon ah, naisip ko lang.

Anyways nakatali lang buhok ko pero mahaba din yan :)) and nanakit din? :) try ko patigasin ng parang kahoy then ihasa then chaka ko iflick around para sampal na ang dating :)

‘Glory is the woman with long hair’. :D

. <- Period

My Aunt came out of the bathroom and handed me a bulky-something neatly wrapped in toilet tissue paper and said "Cherry tapon mo toh sa basura sa labas". I took it from her hand and asked "Sa-e Ano toh?" and she just said "Siopao". I was seven years old. I obediently dropped it down the trash shoot of the building, wondering 'bakit tinapon kung siopao? sayang'

Siopao. It was the summer of the year I turned 13, when i finally now had to throw my own siopao's...:) It was an awkward time in my life. haha. Enough said.

I said to myself that when Czesca starts to ask about these things I will be more honest.

I just didnt expect it to be too soon. So the other night as we were about to go to sleep...

Czesca: Mommy bakit may dugo ka sa pampers mo?

Me: Sino nagsabi sa iyo?

Czesca: ako lang, nakita ko...bakit may dugo ka sa pampers mommy?

Me: Ah...someday Czesca, paglaki mo magkakaganun ka din..

Czesca:....

Me: That's called "period"

Czesca: Hindi kaya 'period'...mommy...ang tawag dun 'blood'. "BLOOD" mommy "Blood" hindi 'period'.

Of course, i laughed again. Sometimes I wonder kung namimilosopo lang siya or if she's really just 4. She always has a point naman ahaha.

Me: hay nako pagusapan na lang natin pag ten or eleven years old ka na, ilang taon ka na ba?

Czesca: 4...

Me: o see 4 ka lang, remind mo na lang ako pag 11 ka na...

Scoring more points over me? I had to at least try to redeem myself. hahaha.

No Air No Air

Czesca: Mommy, marami bang pera si Jesus?

Me: Bakit mo naman ask kung maraming pera si Jesus?

Czesca: Di ba give niya tayo ng blessing para dami tayong pera para punta ako sa playhouse?

Me: yes blessing yun ni Jesus, but madami naman klaseng blessing Czesca

Czesca: Anu yun?

Me: For example, nakakahinga tayo kasi blessing ni Jesus yung air sa atin, di ba di ka makakahinga pag walang air?

Czesca: Yes

Me: oh lets try, close your mouth and ipit ko your nose…

I gently pinched Czesca’s nostrils close.

Me: oh di ba? Di ka na makahinga?

Czesca looks at me and says: Mommy, inipit mo kaya nose ko…

I laughed, the girl has got a point.

Jesus In Our Hearts :)

Czesca: Mommy, asan si Jesus nakatira?

Me: Dito sa heart mo.

Czesca: Hindi kaya. Hindi kaya kasya si Jesus diyan.

Me: Jesus lives in your heart.

Czesca: Anu gawa niya sa heart ko? Hindi kaya house ang heart ko.

I laughed.

Me: Czesca, that’s not what I mean…

Czesca: Eh di ba nag e-eat ako food dito dumadaan yung food (pointed to her chest), natatamaan ba si jesus?

Me: Hindi naman dumadaan sa heart ang food, anyway, I mean…Jesus is in your heart kasi di ba you love jesus?

Czesca: yes

Me: we keep the people we love sa heart natin.

Czesca:…

Me: Czesca, now do you understand?

Czesca:….(nods)

But I bet if czesca only knew how to tell me, she’d say “HELLOOOO…kaka four years old ko lang kaya…understand…understand…I don’t understand!!!…”

PaMaNa

You know how at times when people pay you a compliment about your body; sometimes you go and say something like “I got it from my mom”. Your long legs, your eyes, you hips, your boobs, they’re beautiful DNA heritage you got from (usually) your mom. It wouldn’t be too nice to hear you got your…lets say boobs… from your dad.

So anyways, I was in my mom’s room, studying myself in front of her mirror and I started saying how I got too much of my father’s DNA focused on my siopao-cheeks. Since my father is dead, I decided to blame her and joke that she owes me a Buccal fat removal procedure. ;D To which she told me:

Her: Hay nako, tumigil ka nga diyan..ewan ko sa iyo…

Me: Anung tumigil, eh ikaw nga jan, nagpagawa ka pa ng boobs…arte lang…

Her: Ano kaya kung gusto mo, pag pinatanggal ko na, lipat natin sa iyo? Gusto mo?

Me: Eeeew….yuck… ah… pwede ba mi.

Her: Anu ka? Magandang klase toh ah. And mahal na klase hindi yung ordinary.

Me: Hindi naman bagay sa kin yang ganyang size dahil iba body structure natin, O.A. sa akin yan ewww…at tagal na niyan ah. No way ewww. Anu ka ba?

Wala namang sampalang naganap, biruan lang and a few rolling of the eyes and raising of eyebrows and animated facial expressions.

However, if I actually decide to take those implants for myself, technically I could still say ‘I got it from my mom’ hahaha.